Tag Archives: Lolita

I Feel Pretty: Clothing and Manners

I have been rather fascinated by Lolita.  I do not have the money or the figure to buy the wonderful clothing out there.  My figure is not such that I would look good in a Lolita silhouette either.  I guess the style that I have been working towards is as close to otome as I can put together with clothing from the plus size resale store by my house.

Still, I just love to look at pictures of girls dressed in Lolita, and I do dream of someday having the money and figure for such a style.

Anyways, I recently read discussions regarding whether one needed to or even should adopt ladylike manners when dressing in Lolita.  One of the ideas was along the lines of whether it was phony when people acted differently when wearing Lolita.

Of course, I have never been a part of any Lolita community, so I do not really know much.  On the other hand, I am thinking of myself.  One of the things I realized is that I feel differently when I dress nicely.  When I am wearing pretty dresses, I feel pretty.  When I feel pretty, I naturally start behaving in a more ladylike fashion.

Now, I think I have rather good manners to begin with, although, I am far from perfect.  When I dress nicely, with a pretty dress and gloves, I find myself being more polite and gracious than I would ordinarily be.  I do not think it is putting on an act.  I think that the clothing we wear does transform us, if we let it.

I know that it works the other way too.  When I used to dress sloppily on occasion, I would feel rather sloppy, and my manners would often become sloppy to match.  It was not a conscious thing.  It just happened naturally.

I do not know if this happens just with clothing.  Once I had some family and friends over for breakfast.  I did not have a fancy meal, but I put out a pretty tablecloth and served breakfast on nice china.  The strangest thing happened.  Everyone naturally started being on their best behavior, and their manners improved a hundredfold.  Even my cat behaved better.  I have been working with my cat on not begging at the table (with limited success).  Yet, when we were all at the table, she sat nicely and waited for us all to be finished.  Of course, I gave her a nice treat and praised her for that.

Anyways, I do not know that I am saying anything profound or wise, but it was something I thought of that may be of interest.

Lolita Fashion & Philosophy for the Poor-but-Kawaii

All fashion is a
All fashion is a “statement”. Fashion is never philosophically or morally neutral even when we try to deny its meaning.

We called our fashion section Lolita and Friends because not all the Cures here are Lolitas, but we all share a philosophy of dress even if we implement it in a variety of ways.

Recently a new Precure made her 登場 (toujou) to shouts of “a new Cure has appeared” (well, I shouted it anyway). Cure Utsukushiku, true to her name, is our Fashion Correspondent and is a Lolita.

In her toujou article she writes:

There are many sites and blogs  devoted to Lolita fashion, but we like to think this one will be a little different – for our interest lies not just with the fashion itself, but with the philosophy and meaning behind the fashion.

Now I was thinking about this when I was contemplating writing about my own fashion path (if I may so distinguish my humble attempts), and not only is what Cure Utsukushiku writes vitally true, but I think it can even be taken a step further. In a certain way what we are doing fashion-wise here is the precise opposite of what many current Lolitas (or Western neo-Lolitas) are saying.

The current neo-Lolita orthodoxy seems to be that it is important to get the “fashion” right – to be picky about the right lace, the right brands etc. etc. but that there is no philosophy behind any of this. Dressing good and innocent doesn’t mean being good and innocent. In fact in many instances it is considered important or clever not to be good and innocent. The idea that one can have a foul-mouth, alley-cat morals and a body full of – uh – “modifications” and still be a Lolita is the New Orthodoxy.

It of course makes sense in this context to be ultra-picky about the lace. After all, Lolita has to be about something, so since it isn’t about anything else, it had better be about material details.

Now please don’t think that for one moment I am opposed to connoisseuseship of fine lace, or to attachment to some of the finest brands in the world (which really do have a beautiful ethos and philosophy). I admire and cannot afford these things and I am happy to have friends who can afford them. They make the world more beautiful for me and for everyone else. And I try, in my much humbler way, to do the same thing.

Lolita lifestyle: purity and innoence
We don’t love purity and innocence because we are Lolitas. We are Lolitas because we love purity and innocence.

But – but but but but – the question is having one’s scale of values right. There is an old Victorian joke in which a  mother admonishes her daughter whom she is afraid is becoming spoiled by material wealth: “Darling, always remember, it is not clothes that make the lady.”

To which the daughter replies: “I know, mother. It is the hat.”

I think everyone knows what the mother meant. That it is neither the clothes nor the hat nor any other material thing that makes the lady. It is the heart. It is goodness and purity and modesty and gentleness and kindness. A perfect hat on an impure heart (well not directly on it, but you know what I mean) will not turn anyone into a lady.

Now the Western neo-Lolita will doubtless cry “I don’t want to be a lady. I don’t want to be innocent. I don’t want to be pure. I just want the right lace.”

That is fine. We are absolutely not here to tell anyone what she should or should not do or be. This isn’t a crusade, it is a haven. We aren’t saying how other people should think. We are just saying how we think. And we are telling other people who think this way that you can. You don’t need to be intimidated by the neo-orthodoxy. You can believe that Lolita is what it (visually) says it is and what names like Angelic Pretty imply. You can believe that it is something more and better than a mere “fashion” on the same level as punk, grunge and murder-your-mother.

If  Western post-modernists are allowed their heroin-chic, we are allowed our heroine-chic!

In fact I think we would agree with the people who say “For me Lolita is a fashion, not a lifestyle”, but from the opposite angle. For us, our way of life is the fount and source of the way we dress, not vice versa. Those of us who are full-blown Lolitas don’t love purity and innocence because they are Lolitas. They are Lolitas because they love purity and innocence.

Affordable lolita fashion.
Yes – you CAN do it on a budget!

So, to say a little about the mere self (which is what I set out to do) – long before I discovered Lolita I knew that clothes are not just neutral bits of cloth. They say something. All clothes do and everyone knows it. They are not morally and philosophically neutral. The “casual dress” of the current West is rooted in its post-modern philosophy of life. That is why I always disliked it.

Neo-lolita tries desperately to twist a dress-style that says something else into the mold of the post-modern West. Now if you like the post modern West, please go ahead. That isn’t our affair and we have no desire to interfere. But we are writing for people who don’t like the post-modern West and are looking for that something else that Lolita so clearly represents.

For myself, I wanted to dress in a way that reflects my ideals. I wanted to be pretty, neat, innocent, pure and a little flamboyant. Being poor, I experimented with clothes from thrift stores and made a delightful discovery. You can get really nice, quite traditional clothes almost unworn from thrift stores.

Why do people buy brand new and actually nice clothes and give them to thrift stores? Here’s my guess: current Western society has almost no occasions for wearing good (non-business and non-“s*xy”) clothes. So if people buy them for an occasion they never wear them again, or they are attracted to them because they are lovely but never have the social courage to wear them. Just my guess, but the phenomenon is very real and – very useful for impoverished Princesses!

Now such clothes are clearly not Lolita, far less are they by beautiful Lolita brands (though they are often good Western brands). But then one can dress them up really quite cheaply.

Here are some of my favorite inexpensive up-dresses:

white-gloves transform-an-outfit
Even the simplest gloves lift an outfit to the next level

Neckscarves: you can often get these new from thrift stores too. You can get lots of pretty ones that add variety to a small wardrobe. A delightful touch is getting a BIG chiffon scarf and tying a HUGE bow at the neck. This makes relatively conservative clothes look much more kawaii.

Gloves: Gloves are a super-secret. No one in the current West wears gloves except to keep their hands warm! Simple white gloves can be very inexpensive, and they transform an outfit. You are changed instantly from someone in neat clothes to someone in what the general populace tends to regard as “costume”. You will get comments. You will get admiration. You may well also get unwanted attention. Gloves are the catalyst that gives your outfit the quantum leap (if you’ll excuse my blonde physics).

Hats: Not quite as powerful as gloves, but again, hats are almost unknown and you can get lovely straw ones very cheaply.

Hair decorations: If you aren’t wearing a hat, decorate your hair. Bows, ribbons, Hello Kitty hair-slides. Again they dress up your outfit and add kawaii-points out of all proportion to their size and price.

white-ankle-socks-mary-janesShoes: Lots of nice shoes around and you don’t have to break the bank. Again thrift stores can be your friend. A favorite trick of mine to ratchet up the Kawaii is to get some nice school-type Mary-Janes (mine have darling little punched-through the leather flowers) and wear them with lace-trimmed white ankle socks (usually over pale sheeny stockings).

So – if you have the money and dedication to be a full-blown Lolita, please do it, and make the world a prettier place! And if you want to discuss it here among like-minded friends you are a thousand times welcome on our comments section (and maybe you’ll become a Cure).

But if you can’t afford it, you can still express your love of purity, goodness and kawaii through dress. Experiment. Ask questions here. And tell us your discoveries.

This is an adventure for all like-minded girls!


What is more than just Kawaii is our promise between girls. We believe in you. We will fight for you. Gather your invincible gentleness!

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